You can't motorboat a personality
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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