i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
