another moral hangover. fuck.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
