Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Randomize
