Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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