Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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