Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The Olympian is in my bed
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