Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
