Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
