It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
