My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
