I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
