yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
