no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
