do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
