Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
