Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
