I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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