i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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