I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
