somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
