I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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