a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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