Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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