Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
