So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
