He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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