what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
we're making bets on your personal life
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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