i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
