It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Dear god my vagina.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
