dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
