We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I deserve this hangover.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
