I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
