First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
