Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
