so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
