i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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