it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
