He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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