So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
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