You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize