Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I intend to get homeless drunk
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I am one with the molecules
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize