Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just saw a hot homeless man
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
