Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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