I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize