walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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