I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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