remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
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