I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
