I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
