drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
