I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Randomize
