So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You're like the curious george of whores
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
