i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I know her cup size but not her name....
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