Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
