Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
