Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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