My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize