Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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