it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
