1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
