2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
