I seem to have left my pride at pride
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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