so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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