During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
